A year in lockdown galvanized me to quit my full time job

May 27

I often wonder what we will remember about the past year as the pandemic moves into our rearview mirror. Toilet paper shortages, the panic I felt when my kids were far away at college and the relief I felt when they all came home, The Tiger King, Zoom parties, and on a more somber note, the anxiety and fear of watching the world as we knew it disappear in an instant, the death tolls rising and the feeling of complete powerlessness over all that was shifting around us. We were all just making it up as we went along, and it was humbling and anxiety-provoking for those of us who like to think we are in control.

When the craziness of my normal life stopped, I realized early on that this was a gift. I had been so busy working, commuting, shuffling kids around, spending the weekends planning for the week ahead, getting up at 4:30 am to workout, trying to squeeze in my passion for personal development and coaching in the edges that I welcomed the pause. I had my family close, a secure job, and finally some time and space. I deliberately choose not to engage in the news because it was constant, and terrifying with the same doomsday messaging on repeat, which was unhelpful because clearly no one knew what was going to happen and all I could do was to control my world, my choices.

Reconnecting to me

I got quiet. I started meditating and journaling regularly. I took long walks outside. I simply sat in my yard and was still. A deer and her fawn met me one morning, a stellar jay led me through the woods like snow white, I connected to myself and the world around me. I could feel how I was part of a beautiful, purposeful whole. The quieter I got the stronger the message came to me that it was time, time for me to step into my purpose of empowering women to tap into their full potential and inherent worth. Our world desperately needs women to bring forth their unique brilliance to bring positive change to their lives, their communities, and their families and I could help facilitate this transformation, but I needed to start with me. I had to fully inhabit my own power, see what was mine to do, and then have the courage to make the leap. I made a promise to myself that by June of 2021 I would leave my corporate job and commit full-time to my coaching practice.

Claiming the vision and trying not to worry about the how

My vision was clear, but the how was not. We are taught that it is our responsibility to make things happen in our lives, to make specific goals and hustle to achieve them, and it is true this can be a path to success, but at what cost? I am too old to hustle, so I chose to take the path of ease and grace. Remaining grounded in my own intuition, I was laser-focused on taking the next right action as it appeared. My instinct is to try to control, but instead, I chose to surrender to this next evolution of me. This is so hard when you want life to happen on your terms and in your time frame. This required me to have faith in that which is greater than I. Callings of our soul are not wasted. I could trust the message I heard for the past 10 years and courageously step towards it.

Finding flow, taking action

On the path of ease and grace, you will find flow, guides show up, opportunities happen, you experience synchronicities and it’s your job to check in with yourself and choose, does this feel expansive? Is this in alignment with my values and vision? Does this feel a bit scary and simultaneously exciting?

If so, you say yes please, and that’s what I did.

My therapist offered to shift our relationship and became a mentor and teacher. She kept me focused on the path of ease and grace and taught me how to discern what was right for me. (There were so many bright shiny options out there to distract me).
I hired a gifted coach who helped me manage my fierce inner voice of judgment, kept reminding me when I was trying to control and would encourage me to trust. She held me accountable for taking action.
I started a lovely New Moon Circle, hosted a book club, I began to feel the magic and power of what it feels like when I’m in alignment with my inner brilliance.
A woman who I have always considered one of the wisest and most spiritual people I know reached out and asked if I would coach her!?! She started a new business combining astrological readings and coaching. I asked if my husband and I could have a reading and in one session our marriage shifted and my husband said “I want to figure out how we can make this coaching business happen for you.” With that support, we worked together to get creative and make it happen.

Kowing when to LEAP

I had to realize that I was worthy of my dreams and the investment it would take to make them happen. By February my husband and I had figured out how I could leave my job, it would not be easy, but we could make it work and I was so grateful for this. I also decided to stay in my corporate role until June. I felt good about this. It made sense with COVID and the uncertainty of life to get through the school year, but once I knew I was out it was hard to keep my focus. I was proud of the work I had done over the past two years and had been a strong contributor, but the next evolution of our team required me to level up and I didn’t have it in me. Daily I felt the incongruence between who I was being asked to be in my role, and what I was so excited to create in my own business. I finally hit a tipping point and gave my notice, my last day was May 14.

And the cycle begins again

Now I set on the precipice of my next transformation to entrepreneur and coach and the cycle above will repeat itself. I feel such freedom, lightness, and joy, to be spending my days focused on being of service, planning how I will grow my business, the workshops, events, and retreats I want to create. I am not naive, there will be a whole new set of challenges and obstacles in having my own business, but I look forward to how this next chapter will stretch and grow me.

If you would like to follow my journey and hear about all the amazing things I will create to empower women to connect to their inherent brilliance so that they can thrive in life and work subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Instagram.